grandparents

Oliver's Grandparents

We are Eric and Clare Peace, to Oliver we are Nanny and Granddad

We would like you to share with us a brief account of our views and thoughts as the grandparents of Oliver.

I am sure that all grandparents love their grand children as much as they love their own sons and daughters. We of course are no exception. With the benefit of past experience (raising our own children) and being able to take a more relaxed view, the nuances of change and progress are fondly noted. Of course parents know when their children are making headway in all types of motor skills and communication, whether it be verbal or body language. But because parents are with their children most of the time these changes become common to them. Grandparents, on the other hand, make great issue and rejoice at these changes of habits and improvements in the child’s dexterity and adroitness.

When Oliver was about 3 years old, we recall how well he could recognise letters of the alphabet and the numbers 1 to 10. He would put thing like toys and cards in their proper order showing signs of a good memory. We (Nanny and Granddad) were extremely pleased with this and we considered Oliver to be a precocious child that would have no learning difficulties and hopefully a bright and interesting future. Nanny of course wanted to hug and kiss Oliver, not just once, but like many Nanny’s she wanted to give him lots of loving attention. Oliver would not allow this to happen, he would push Nanny away and go back to his mummy. Nanny of course felt rejected. Because of this I (Granddad), kept back a while and although not ignoring Oliver, I was not forcing my closeness on him. I would sometimes talk to him and perhaps gently throw a soft toy at him just to see what reaction I would get. Oliver ignored this for a while, but I guess that curiosity got the better of him and he eventually came over to me. Probably to see what sort of fool throws toys at their grandson. We are now pleased to say that Oliver is quite happy with both of us.

Ollie with his Nan
Nanny and Ollie share a story

Slowly we began to accept that Oliver had a condition known as 'autism'. Although my wife (Nanny), had some knowledge of this affliction, to me it was unknown. It was something that I would have to learn about. That is if I and my wife were to be any help to Oliver and his parents. It was not easy to accept that this had happened, but whilst learning how best to help Oliver, I believe that we will have a closer bond with him.

Ollie and Granddad at play

Although Oliver may not be a good communicator, he mostly is able to let us know what he wants.  He will lead us somewhere, he may gently push or pull us to where he wants us to be.  He will also point to articles and things that he wants, sometimes very forcibly.  Mostly Oliver is gentle and loving.  He has a sense of humour, not the kind that involves telling jokes.  But sometimes he will play a minor practical joke on one of us and he will laugh.  He also mocks Nanny because of her accent.  Because we are from East London there are certain words that we pronounce wrongly, one of these words is 'pillar' instead of 'pillow'.  Oliver will take Nanny a pillow and say to her 'pillar' and he will laugh.  We (Nanny and Granddad) get pleasure from this.  We know that he is happy with us and we love him very much.  It may sound wrong, but we would sometimes like Oliver to be a mischievous or saucy. But of course this is very unlikely to happen.

It really is sad when a little boy cannot enjoy Christmas!  Other children are getting more excited as Christmas day approaches.  They’re telling everybody what they want for Christmas and are euphoric at the prospect of having lots of presents, sweets and other goodies to enjoy.  Our lovely Grandson Oliver cannot join this happy band, to him Christmas is just another day.  I wonder if he knows this, or if he feels lonely.  What does he feel?

This Christmas we filmed Oliver opening his presents, in fact this year with lots of encouragement from his mum and dad Oliver actually began to undo some wrapping paper.  He was not excited at all.  The sparkle was sadly missing.  But he can remember exactly what toys etc. was in each parcel.  He plays this video many times and seems to enjoy seeing himself (even though slightly embarrassed at times) he seems to relive it, but still there is no sparkle in his eye.

Yet! to see Oliver playing at his computer is wonderful.  Even though only 5 years old, he is so quick to grasp the concept of the program or game.  He laughs as he controls the key board or mouse to makes things happen, sometimes purposely out of sequence, or to make sounds continuously repeat.  When Oliver is playing at his computer, he has a sparkle in his eye, he is full of life and very happy.

We, as grandparents of Oliver have given a lot of thought about 'autism' and at one stage we may have used the analogy of 'a genie in a bottle'.  We saw Oliver as a very intelligent and humorous person who was unable to express himself.  We now have other views, in fact we ask ourselves, "What is the greatest gift that you could ask for your loved ones?"  It isn’t money, fast cars or exotic holidays.  We believe it to be happiness and Oliver is very happy within his own environment.  He has loving and caring parents.  We as grandparents are now over our first learning stage and are feeling much happier for Oliver.

Eric & Clare Peace
(Oliver's paternal grandparents)

To Oliver's other grandparents - (maternal)